An Open Letter To The Stomach Virus That Has Been Plagueing Me Since Wednesday Evening:
Dear Stomach Virus:
I hate you. There, I said it.
I know that's some pretty strong language, but you must admit that you haven't exactly been kind to me either. You kept me from eating dinner Wednesday night and you took away my breakfast and lunch too. Quite violently, might I add.
Then, I decided I wanted a little Gatorade - just a little - and you took that too. Sprite? Yep, you took it. And now, since I have given you nothing else to take, you have decided to make me weak and faint and have left my stomach feeling like it has done approximately 10,000 crunches.
The only thing nice you have done for me is take away about 6 pounds. I can almost let you off the hook for that, but no, I won't. I won't be fooled by you!
I hate you and that's that. I'd like you to go away now, please. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Mary Alice
P.S. I know you thought you could take Phillip down too, but apparently Phenergan works a little faster on him than it does on me. And as for that little guy that lives here with us? Well, we got him out of here when you weren't looking, and he is now living under an assumed name in a semi-faraway location until we are sure you are gone for good. So, phhhht on you.
I hate you. There, I said it.
I know that's some pretty strong language, but you must admit that you haven't exactly been kind to me either. You kept me from eating dinner Wednesday night and you took away my breakfast and lunch too. Quite violently, might I add.
Then, I decided I wanted a little Gatorade - just a little - and you took that too. Sprite? Yep, you took it. And now, since I have given you nothing else to take, you have decided to make me weak and faint and have left my stomach feeling like it has done approximately 10,000 crunches.
The only thing nice you have done for me is take away about 6 pounds. I can almost let you off the hook for that, but no, I won't. I won't be fooled by you!
I hate you and that's that. I'd like you to go away now, please. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Mary Alice
P.S. I know you thought you could take Phillip down too, but apparently Phenergan works a little faster on him than it does on me. And as for that little guy that lives here with us? Well, we got him out of here when you weren't looking, and he is now living under an assumed name in a semi-faraway location until we are sure you are gone for good. So, phhhht on you.
Posted By Mary Alice at 2:35 PM
1 Comments:
yeeeeeee-uck! hate is never too strong a word when used in relation to such vile pestilence as a stomach virus. i have said in much less than jest that i would make many sacrifices willingly to never throw up again in my life. hope that you feel better soon.
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