So Real

I'd like to give some mad props to my sweet sister in Knoxville - Raven. I highly recommend that you read her post from today. Wow.

This type of Realness is what Phillip and I have been going on and on and on about - and if you spend much time with us, you've heard us ranting and raving about it. This is what we are looking for in a church. This is the kind of honesty that we are called to as believers. Unashamedly baring our souls to one another so that we can not only be uplifted - but also encourage others who share in our struggles. Thank you, Raven, for being so brave and so REAL.

Perhaps Raven's words really struck a chord with me because I share in her struggle. I have suffered from Anxiety and panic attacks since I was probably about 15. That's half my life! I didn't really understand it when I was that age, except that I was certain I was going to die every time it happened. I can remember walking down to the elementary building from the High School on top of the hill to have the school nurse check my blood pressure on a regular basis, because I kept having the same kind of "episode" that Raven describes so eloquently in her post.

The attacks occurred on and off through college, but the Anxiety came back full force after Jack was born - as is the case with many (most, if we're being honest) new moms. I actually had more than one panic attack before they even released me from the hospital to bring my precious baby home.

I have only just recently been diagnosed by a professional, although I diagnosed myself a long time ago. But my self-diagnosis did nothing except isolate me from those I love. Have you ever made plans with me, only to have me break them last minute? Have you ever seen me get up in the middle of church and hurriedly walk out - and not return until service was over? Have you sat near me in a wedding or a funeral when all of a sudden, I got fidgety and began wringing my hands, looking around for a quick and inconspicuous way out? Have you ever been in the car with me when I've had to pull over and wait until I pulled it together? Have you ever wondered why I stay home so darned much??? Well, now you know why.

Now that I actually know that what I have is very real, very common and nothing to be ashamed of - and that I am not alone - I am meeting it head on rather than just coping. The Depression that has built up as a result of the Anxiety is slowly but surely lifting. I have hope. That the next 15 years of my life will be different.

Thank you, Raven - for being Church to me this morning. For sharing your struggle, and in turn, helping to bear my burden. I hope that if anyone else out there reading this shares our struggle, you won't hesitate to contact one of us. Or at least know that you, too, are not alone.

Now, I have a date tonight. With this extremely handsome guy I met about 10 years ago. I still don't quite understand why in the world he picked me, but I sure am glad he did. If you'll excuse me, I must go and get ready!